Health and Mental Fitness, healthy, insulin resistance, life, plus size, Uncategorized

Welcome to the Plus Size World of Fashion

When I first started this weight loss journey a good friend and I were having coffee. And she sat across from with admiration in her eyes and says, “so what’s your goal?” And I sat back, and took a minute and answered honestly. “I haven’t really thought about it, I firmly stated. I don’t have a specific number I would like to see in the scale. I guess if I had to choose one, I would say I want to be able to walk into any clothing store and not have to head straight to the Plus Size Department”

You see shopping when you’re considered “Plus Size” is not a pleasant experience. No one feels confident in themself when having to buy the biggest size the store carries. The plus size section of stores like Target, Kohl’s and even Forever 21 are a quarter of the size as the “regular” women’s department. If you ever want to find the plus size section in just about any store, you’ll find it tucked away in the far back corner. All of these stores carry a wide range of clothing on their website but not in their stores. I am assuming to keep certain cliental out of their brick and mortar stores to convey a certain image. Victoria Secrets is famous for this. First of all, their bras are sized incorrectly and second of all of course they carried my bra size online, but never stocked in stores. I finally gave up trying to shop anywhere but Torrid. I would easy drop $200 on 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts because the hassle of scouring multiple stores to try to find something that fits and looks good became too emotional. I also decided to avoid those brick and mortar stores that refuse to carry plus sizes.

The other problem is most plus size brands are not trendy, hip and current. All of a sudden if you wear XXL, it must be made out of the most hideous fabric, and look like something my grandmother would wear. The cuts are frumpy and made out of cheap material, yet the price is tripled.  Designers are assuming that because you are considered plus size that you want to be completely covered up. The sizing from one store to the next is pretty inconsistent as well. I have pants ranging from a 14 to a 20, and they all fit the same. So ever shopping trip requires a stop at the dressing room.

I wish I had a long list of places for plus size women to shop, but I don’t. Torrid has been my go to place for years. So my goal with my Keto journey is to be able to shop just about anywhere, and its happened. But I won’t stop speaking out for all my plus size friends. Because, we deserve it.


Health and Mental Fitness, healthy, insulin resistance, life, weightloss

The Journey Begins

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”

-Carol Burnett

Let’s go back….way back…Okay, okay not too far back. I was born and raised in Bakersfield California and lived there for 30 years of my life. Now depending on who you ask Bakersfield is either a big city with small town politics or its just a small town, with small town politics.

Some will say Bakersfield is a trap. Most people who are born there never leave and those who do leave always end up coming back. Although it is true there is no place like home, I am pretty certain I wouldn’t move back. Every time I go back to visit,the only part that feels like home is being with my family. When I am not with them it doesn’t feel like I belong there anymore. It is such a strange feeling. A town I once knew like the back of my hand feels like a foreign land. The city where I could go just about anywhere and see familiar faces is now the same place where I feel like an absolute outsider.

“It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:


Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone.

You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back.

It is you who will have changed.”

― Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

My dad left when I was just 7 years old. I am a middle child, the only girl, of divorced parents. My mother raised me, I didn’t really have a solid relationship with my dad until I was 15 years old. I grew up pretty poor, a child of welfare and food stamps. Food in our house wasn’t always nutritious, it was whatever we could afford, which wasn’t much. We ate a lot of ground beef, government cheese, nasty peanut butter, the label had no information, was simply labeled peanut butter in bold black letters, cheap junk food, potatoes with every meal, and don’t forget the rice.

I was a child who wore hand me downs and never had brand new anything. But my mom was always there. She was present and she did her best. My mom always put her kids first. She never even dated until all of us kids were grown well into adulthood. Being a witness to her friends putting their boyfriends first ahead of their kids and having it blow up in their faces was a lesson she didn’t want to be a part of.

All of this taught me a lot, like how to be an independent woman and how to take care of myself. Yet, I know when to ask others for help. It taught me how to stay grounded and humble. I am so grateful the the life I have and thank my lucky stars for all I have been blessed with. It has taught me about work ethic. I started working when I was 16 years old, and have never been unemployed. Everything I have in life I have worked for. Nothing has been just handed to me. We all have struggled in some sort of way. But I refuse to be a victim of circumstance and blame my short comings on my childhood. I will continue to focus on the positive and change the negative.

“Gratitude is one of the most powerful human emotions. Once expressed, it changes attitude, brightens outlook, and broadens our perspective.”

― Germany Kent

Health and Mental Fitness, healthy, insulin resistance, life, weightloss

The Beginning of my Keto Journey

Here’s the thing, my whole life I’ve always been the fat friend. None of my friends will say that’s but it’s true. It’s how I felt all through junior high, in high school, in college and well into my adult life. The one time in my life when I was my fittest, I was around 23 years old. I had spent over $1,000 on a personal trainer, would spend minimum of 2 hours at the gym 5 days a week and was eating maybe 1000 calories a day. I still weighed in at 180lbs and was wearing a size 11 in pants.

I was in a relationship where I was fat shamed. A lot. I would ask him to go to the gym with me and he would say when you’re at my level I’ll go with you and other moronic crap. So when I finally got tired of it, I decided to go on strike from working out and not too long after that I gained about 20lbs back and the relationship tanked pretty quickly.

I’ve always been outgoing. The majority of the time I felt confident in who I was as a person. So I would never leave the house without my hair done, or without make up on. Because by God if I was going to be over weight I was going to be cute while doing it. I was that girl, you know the one, you hear guys talk about her all the time, she’s chunky, but she has a great personality. Or she’s pretty, for a chunky girl. I always looked like a chunky girl on the outside but, I didn’t feel like one on the inside.

Fast forward, my husband has a level of unconditional love for me that you read about. He has always, told me how beautiful I am. Hair a mess, stinky breath, mix matched clothes, whatever it is, he will look at me and say “you’re so pretty” but it came to a point where I was tired of feeling like crap. I was starting to feel like I was chunky, that I was overweight. I was tired all the time. I couldn’t sleep more than 6 hours at a time because it hurt my body. I was more comfortable standing than I was sitting.

Every time I had an health issue or female issue doctors would tell me I just needed to lose weight. You just need to lose weight. But no one told me how. Just that I needed to do it. So I would try. I would go back to that low calorie diet, the one I paid $1,000 to learn about. I would do nothing but drink meal replacement shakes and it would take me months just to lose 10lbs.

It wasn’t until my new doctor tested me for insulin resistance and suggested trying eating keto that things started to change. After 2 weeks I started sleeping better. I had energy and wasn’t falling asleep at 8pm. And after I lost 15lbs in a month I was in disbelief. And now I am down 45lbs and down 3 pant sizes. I feel so much better. I cannot believe how horrible I felt before. I am just taking it one meal at a time, one day at a time towards being better tomorrow than I was today.

Health and Mental Fitness, healthy, Uncategorized, weightloss

Being my Authentic Self

“The greatest challenge in life is to be our own person and accept that being different is a blessing and not a curse. A person who knows who they are lives a simple life by eliminating from their orbit anything that does not align with his or her overriding purpose and values. A person must be selective with their time and energy because both elements of life are limited.”

Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

There are so many days where I long for a deep understanding of who I am. I search for purpose on a regular basis. Who is my authentic self? And is she worthy of such an amazing life? This thought process has very little to do with the validation of others and a lot to do with self validation. Self confidence has never been a deep rooted issue for me. I mean sure, in high school were all a little unconfident, but we all had NO clue who we were. Even at my heaviest weight, I always knew I was valuable to others. Sure, sometimes I didn’t feel valuable to certain people but deep down, I knew that was their issue and not mine. My self worth was always been more than what I look liked. Over the span of the last 10 years, as each year passed, I felt further and further away from my authentic self. The person I longed to be was slowly floating away. I was lost.

The gradual weight gain not only affected my physical being but also began to attack me deep down to my soul. It started to slow everything down. My activity level, brain function, motivation, self worth, it started to attack every single aspect of my life. It was affecting my marriage and my relationship with my husband. Falling asleep at 730p started becoming a regular thing. And I hated it.

In just 3 short months, I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. At least now I can see my authentic self moving towards me, instead of further away. I feel normal! I will say it again for those in the back, I FEEL NORMAL! Yes, this is still the very beginning of my journey to my best life, but I am 100% confident I am on the right path. I will continue to stroll forward carefully to ensure I do not fall. Being transparent, vulnerable, humble and grateful for those people in my life that inspire me and challenge me to LIVE MY BEST LIFE!

Health and Mental Fitness, healthy, insulin resistance, life, weightloss

Keto Life

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Maya Angelou

In December of 2018, I had a physical scheduled with my doctor. My test results came back that I had high blood pressure and insulin resistance, signs of type 2 diabetes. Meaning my body had been making an abundance of insulin that my body could not process. The insulin was then turned into glucose, the glucose turns into fat and was a big part of why it was so hard for me to lose weight. My doctor said if in 6 months, I couldn’t get it under control I would be eligible for a weight loss surgery. I mean, I knew I was overweight, but surgery? Had I really let this happen? I was prescribed 2 medications and he told me to start by cutting carbs and sugar and also suggested I look into the Keto Diet. That day I scoured the internet for information about this whole Keto Diet. Oh great, another diet for me to try and fail. I had already tried Weight Watchers, Garcinia Cambogia, Hydroxycut, various fat burners, and plain just not eating, nothing worked. Every time I would go to the doctor, they would just tell me that all my health issues would be resolved if I just lost weight. But how? I was fighting an uphill battle and didn’t even know it.

So what is the Keto Diet? and how does it work? “Ketosis is a normal metabolic process, something your body does to keep working. When it doesn’t have enough carbohydrates from food for your cells to burn for energy, it burns fat instead. As part of this process, it makes ketones.” This has been a game changer for me! I have stuck with it for 3 months and I have lost 45 pounds and dropped 3 pant sizes. I work out, but not as much as I should and its mostly just controlling what I eat. I also feel like a brand new person! In January I created a vision board for 2019, this helped me envision what my life was going to be like moving forward. I had a great idea to create an Instagram page to enforce my vision board and document my journey, hoping to inspire others and learn something about myself in the process.


Soul Food

Mexican Crack Chicken

Put a Mexican spin on crack chicken! Put 2 chicken breast in the crock pot with 1 small can of green enchilada sauce. Once the chicken was cooked, I used my hand mixer to shred it, adds 8 ounces of cream cheese diced, and 1 large can of green Chile’s that I diced. Once it was all melted together, I put it in a casserole dish, topped with cheese and put in the oven for about 20 mins! Paired it with some cauliflower rice.